It's a girl!

After having 3 ultrasounds in the last 3 or 4 weeks we are 100 percent convinced we are having a girl! We are super excited to complete our little family with another girl baby. I won't even pretend that I didn't want another girl. Even though I would have been just as happy with a boy, I really wanted a sister for Blair. I don't have any sisters, but as I watch other sisters together I know there is such a special bond between them, a friend for life! I want Blair to have someone to share her secrets and struggles with, someone to do everything with. These two little girls will be so lucky to not only have each other, but to have Lukas! Lukas is going to be such a good big brother too them. I know he will protect them and be there for them all the time.

This little girl already has a name. We are going to name her Lettie Lee. I have always loved the name Lettie. Dan, not so much. I tried to name Blair, Lettie. He wasn't convinced. He came around though and I get to use it! Maybe we just needed to save it for this special little girl that is completing our family.

We are so excited to meet little Lettie! Our fertility treatments and pregnancy have been a little interesting. I have cried lots of tears since we started trying to complete our family in December. I wasn't going to share, but I just feel like I need too. For some reason it took a little longer for us to get pregnant this time. We were nervous this time around because we only had so many tries left, before we would just have to complete our family with two kids instead of the three we dreamed of. We prayed and prayed. It got a little exhausting finding sitters at the last minute to go up to the U, and telling our kids why we were gone so much. For some reason every time we went it was SO busy! I met so many women trying to have babies, trying to fulfill their dreams of motherhood. My heart ached for them. I heard so many different stories. Some just like mine, some a little different. However, we were all there for the same thing. Every time I left the clinic I ended up bawling the whole way home. I prayed and still pray for the ladies I met. One lady really touched my heart. She was 40 and got married kind of late. So she never had the chance to try and be a mom before. Her husband was considerably older then her. He already had 5 kids, but they really wanted one more together. She was on her 4th round of artificial IUI. I could see it in her eyes how hard this was for her. She had been pregnant once and she had a still born. I really hope that everything worked out and she got the one baby she dreamed of.

We found out we were pregnant a week before Blair turned 3! We were so excited! It worked and just in time. I haven't been too sick which is rare for me, and I thought yay finally a pregnancy that will be easier. This hasn't been the case. I started spotting at 10 weeks. My Dr. and I watched to see if it would stop. It didn't so they sent me in for an Ultrasound. I have a complete Placenta Previa, and a little tear in my uterus close to my placenta. For now I am not allowed to pick up my kids, exercise, and I need to take it easy. We are hoping that my Placenta will move as the Uterus and baby grow. Complete Previas have a less likely chance of moving then partial or low lying placentas. I have prayed and been to the temple and had a blessing. I am confident that if I do what I am supposed to we will have a healthy baby.

A week ago though I took a spill going to the garage for a roast. I landed right on my tail bone, I am pretty sure that I broke it. I passed out as I stood up and scared poor Dan and Lukas too death. My blood pressure got really low and we felt like I should go to the hospital just to check out the baby. All looked well with her. This was our 3rd confirmation that we are having a girl! However, the placenta hasn't moved at all. I still have a complete previa.

This last week has been a bit of a struggle as I can't do what I normally do. I have felt guilt as I watch Dan take over some of my duties. I have felt guilt as I struggle to not be there as much for my kids as I would like. I have felt guilt as some of our plans have had to go on the back burner because of what happened. I have felt so much guilt over so many things. As Blair gets hurt and goes to someone else cause she knows I can't pick her up my heart aches. For now my goal is to have a healthy baby and to make it to term. I am nervous about a lot of things, bed rest, preterm labor etc if my Placenta ends up not moving.  For now I am just taking it a day at a time and hoping my kids will forgive me for the things that I can't do, and will love me for the things I am doing.